people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
