It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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