Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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