Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
