And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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