Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
