He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this boner is exhausting
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
