when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
