My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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