I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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