at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
barbara walters just said penis...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
