White coat. Heels.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
