bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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