in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
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Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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