This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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