Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
