Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
