he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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