My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
