just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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