Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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