My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
