Will you blow on my dice?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
