speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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