I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You're like the curious george of whores
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
