you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
