I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
