My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
