A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
