i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You pole danced in your parka.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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