I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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