Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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