i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
