I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
