regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
