when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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