Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
