Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize