i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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