I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh god it's open bar.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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