You're my little dorito
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
