It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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