yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
