do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
