New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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