I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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