If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
