i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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