There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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