it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
