When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
