non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
