Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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