This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
