oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
