The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize