I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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