Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
