Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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