great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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