my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
