I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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