He passed out mid-signature
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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