he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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