I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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