her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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