he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize