I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
