this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
