I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
