By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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