Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
