hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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