bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
