Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
